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The Dawn of Sobriety: Finding My Light in the Shadows
My life's transformation ignited with the extinguishing of my deepest vices. The path to my light, my beacon of true existence, began with a personal vow of sobriety. It was a journey I embarked upon with trepidation, leaving behind the numbing agents of drugs and alcohol—a leap of faith into the uncharted waters of conscious living. This monumental shift was the first of many profound experiences, including near-death brushes and deep transcendental meditation, all culminating in life-altering ayahuasca ceremonies in Peru. Over five years, I transitioned from an existence shrouded in addiction to one illuminated by clarity and purpose.
The Theater of Life: Stepping Out of the Box
For too long, I was convinced that life was a battle against the world, one that required me to manipulate my surroundings to fit a narrowly defined box of desires—desires informed by society's loud proclamations of what I needed to be complete. Yet, this belief system only served to trap me in the "theater of life," a small, confining stage where dramas unfolded in an endless loop. Recognizing the true omnipotence of the divine was the revelation that led me to step out of this limiting space and seek a broader, more inclusive stage.
The Beautiful Stream Called Life: From Control to Surrender
In my former state, I was fixated on fitting the world into my box, but true liberation came when I shifted my focus to fitting myself into the beautiful stream called life. This wasn't a mere change in perspective; it was an evolution of spirit. I began to release the emotional narratives and dramas that once dictated my existence, and instead, embarked on a quest for deeper spiritual understanding—unlocking the mysteries of our actions, problems, and potential solutions both as individuals and as a collective.
A Tale of Triumph: Protagonists in Faith
My new direction was shaped by the inspiring narratives of those who defied the odds—individuals who built vast empires through problem-solving, not passive observation. My own story transformed from one of complaint and fear to a protagonist's tale, characterized by bold acts of faith that shattered the confining cycle I was trapped in. I found joy in being a hero, an overcomer, ready to seize leaps of faith that freed me from the snares of life's minor dramas.
Leading with Heart: The Virtues of Divine Intent
The virtues of love, kindness, courage, integrity, and compassion became the lenses through which I viewed life. No longer interested in maneuvering every event according to my will, I sought to align my actions with God's intentions, understanding that these virtues, though intangible, were the true measure of a life lived in fullness. They required sacrifice but promised the discernment of God’s presence in every moment.
Flow and Harmony: Synchronizing with Existence
My rafting experiences taught me about the psychological state of flow, a concept I liken to the essence of existence itself. We are bursts of light with unique orbits and trajectories, akin to celestial bodies. Recognizing the natural order of life and our unstoppable motion within it became crucial, allowing me to immerse fully in the wonders around me and celebrate each moment with the same fervor reserved for divine worship.
Love Reimagined: The Divine in Sex and Relationships
My evolving faith prompted me to reassess the nature of love and relationships. A few years back my heart guided me to me to face my biggest fear and come out as gay and I've now, as many of you know revisited relationships with women, and healed from past traumas that confused my sexuality. My greatest fear was that I'd be exposed after being molested by my male cousin and people would think I was gay. I know it sounds silly, but if you grew up in the southern baptist school I did where guys with lisps got tied to trees and beer cans shoved up their ass, then you would understand.
This journey of coming out and facing my fear reshaped my understanding sex and relationships. Furthermore, it became clear that the divine, not I, was at the center of the universe and all relationships with a master plan in place. With this understanding, I began to view relationships and sex as sacred channels to honor and glorify the divine that resides in each of us, moving away from control and towards celebration of one another.
Sexuality now is a non-issue to me. I love exactly who God provides me to love and think very little about labels and lately, it's been of the female variety.
The Generosity of Spirit: Joy in Service and Letting Go
Adopting a new philosophy shifted my daily existence to one focused on serving others and trusting in divine provision. In love and dating, my purpose transcended mere attachment; it became about celebrating connections to honor God. Service to others brought joy, even when it meant letting go of personal relationships to rejoice in the happiness they found elsewhere. Sometimes this means that when a relationship has served it's purpose and it's clearly done, it's my duty to give it back to God as if my work in her life is done and she is off to bigger and better things. This isn't out of self belittlement or pity, this is out of love.
A Life Unbound: The Freedom of Divine Love
I extend an invitation to experience love that is unconfined by societal norms and expectations—a love that honors the divine in each of us. As my reflections conclude, I stand in peace, liberated from the turmoil that besets many, and ready to share the lessons of my journey. It is a love that acknowledges every person's inherent flaws, recognizing them as aspects of a divine tapestry, where each thread is necessary and perfect in its imperfection. It's about understanding and embracing the vast array of experiences life offers, allowing ourselves and our partners the freedom to explore and grow within the embrace of divine love.
Stepping into Truth: Honesty in the Face of Reality
In considering the future, the core of my beliefs rests upon honesty and the strength it lends to our relationships. Authenticity is the compass by which I navigate, steadfast in the face of life's tempests. This means expecting and embodying truth in all its forms, even when it is difficult or painful. It's a testament to the depth of my faith that I would choose to draw closer in the wake of betrayal, to offer forgiveness as a testament to divine love. Living this way is a risk, because we will all do things that upset or hurt someone else. You are a rose, and every rose has it's thorn. But, if you do choose to live this way, and believe this way, then forgiveness is not so hard, for who smashes a rose after being pricked by its thorn?
Living Free: The Divine in Daily Life
Finally, I call for a life that is not constrained by the limiting beliefs of the past or by the restrictive expectations of others. I seek to live and love in a manner that reflects the freedom and peace that faith has instilled in me, knowing that this approach will inspire and nurture both myself, my partner and those around me. It is an act of faith to embrace a love that is freeing, to trust in the higher power to guide and sustain us.
In this new light, my life becomes a testament to the possibility of transformation, a beacon for others to find their own path to freedom and authenticity. It is a journey in the quest for enlightenment, one that honors the divine and acknowledges the sacredness of every step along the way.