Write Yourself a Love Story

From awareness to compassion: how to fall in love with the voice inside you

Often times we are looking outside of ourselves to find the person we want to be with. We look and we look hoping to find someone who we can share life with. Someone who we can wake up and giggle with. Someone who will be there to talk about the day before cuddling up for a long nights sleep. Someone who completes us, who fills our heart with passion and inspiration when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Someone who’s got our back when we are struggling or need a little encouraging. Someone who we can share the deepest yearnings of our heart towards and someone who we can express our love song to.

Have you ever considered finding all these things within yourself? The wise ones say you have to love yourself first otherwise we find ourselves in relationships that repeat a cycle of turmoil. But how do we find these things within ourselves?

It starts with how we talk to ourselves. In other words, it starts with mindfulness.

Discovering the inner voice through mindfulness and journaling

The person you want to be with is really inside of you. No one outside of you will complete you like the one inside of you. There were times in my life I didn't realize there was a being inside of me. Some of us just lumber through the day getting tasks done and facing our worries without recognizing there is an active relationship with a guiding voice inside our head.

My voice used to look into the mirror in self-disgust. Maybe yours doesn't see yourself in self-disgust, but does it see yourself in love? Do you hear that voice and yearn to hear more, or do you want to escape and quiet it? Can you imagine if that voice made you giggle in the morning, if that voice helped to calm you down before you went to sleep?

Creating a love story for yourself will help you to change the narrative, to change the relationship with that voice, and it all starts with just becoming aware. Becoming aware of that voice is simply recognizing it. Next time you wake up, what’s the first thought in your head? Maybe that thought is a worry or maybe it’s a need. The first step is just listening to that voice like it’s a lover next to you in the bed and you can inquire after it speaks, “What is it you are worried about my dear, what is it that you need?”

Don’t rush to action, rush to awareness. What is it you want and why is it you want it? What is it you are worried about and why is it you are worried? When a small child wakes up scared in the night, what do you do? You don’t make them jump out of bed and do laps around the house. No, you sing a love song to them and you help to give them what they need. You help them feel loved and safe. You can do the same thing with that inner voice, but you have to slow down. You have to let that voice know you are aware of its fears, worries, and wants, and then like any good parent or partner, you become present with it. Show this inner voice you have compassion and that you are here to understand it.

From Awareness to Compassion

Compassion starts by simply being present with your own heartbeat and breath.

Once you develop awareness, allow compassion to lead. The word compassion means "to suffer with." We need to get on the level with our voice and we need to understand where it comes from, and that takes a little time. We must slow down and give it space just to feel.

What I like to do is journal about these feelings first thing in the morning before shooting out of bed. This sets the tone for the remainder of the day. When I want to rush into action to deal with a feeling the rest of the day, I slow down and examine it. I take a moment, looking at the voice deeply in the eye with love and admiration, and inquire with them: What is it you need? What is it you want? What is it you fear? What can I do for you, my love?

Being there for your voice is different from being reactive to your voice. I used to smoke cigarettes, and my mind would say, "I want a cigarette," and then I'd go have a cigarette, and I smoked a pack a day or more. You hear your mind want something and go and get it. That’s natural. But now, instead, create a love song with your voice. If it says it wants or needs something, inquire why and ask it what you can do to provide for it.

Be present with that voice and feel what it is feeling. In the case of a cigarette, it is likely a deep longing feeling or a need for a break. In this moment, you can actually give yourself a break. You can go find a quiet space, close your eyes, and give yourself a loving break. Breathe in for 4-5 seconds and breathe out for 6-8 seconds. Do this with your hand on your belly for 6 rounds and focus on the breath. While focusing on the breath, look at yourself in wonder and how much of a miracle breath is. Inquire as a child would how cool it is to simply breathe. Become filled with inspiration, as a lover can fill you with inspiration.

Write Your Story Today

Start your day by setting the tone through mindful awareness.

Begin writing your love story by changing the relationship with yourself and your inner dialogue with mindfulness by transitioning from action to awareness. From awareness, learn to develop compassion and understanding through presence, and deepen the relationship. Soon enough your inner voice will fill you with wonder. It will become the love song you always wished for and, who knows, the next thing you know you may fall in love with someone outside of you.